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  SALES JOKES  from SalesPerfect:
   
  This weeks jokes:
 

A keen country lad applied for a salesman's job at a city department store. In fact it was the biggest store in the world - you could get anything there. The boss asked him, "Have you ever been a salesman before?"

"Yes, I was a salesman in the country" said the lad.

The boss liked the cut of him and said, "You can start tomorrow and I'll come see you when we close up."

The day was long and arduous for the young man, but finally 5 o'clock came around. The boss duly fronted up and asked, "How many sales did you make today?"

"One said the young salesman.

"Only one," blurted the boss, "Most of my staff make 20 or 30 sales a day." How much was the sale worth? "

"Three hundred thousand dollars," said the young man.

"How did you manage that?" Asked the flabbergasted boss.

"Well," said the salesman "this man came in and I sold him a small fish hook, then a medium hook and finally a really large hook. Then I sold him a small fishing line, a medium one and a huge big one. I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast. I said he would probably need a boat, so I took him down to the boat department and sold him that twenty foot schooner with the twin engines. Then he said his Volkswagen probably wouldn't be able to
pull it, so I took him to the car department and sold him the
new Deluxe Cruiser."

The boss took two steps back and asked in astonishment, "You sold all that to a guy who came in for a fish hook?"

"No" answered the salesman, "He came in to buy a box of Tampons for his wife and I said to him, "Your weekend is spoiled, you may as well go fishing."

--OFFICE HAPPENINGS--

  • Quote from a recent meeting: "We are going to continue having these meetings, everyday, until I find out why no work is getting done".
  • Quote from the Boss... "I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame it on you."
  • A motivational sign at work: The beatings will continue until morale improves.
  • A direct quote from the Boss: "We passed over a lot of good people to get the ones we hired."
  • My Boss frequently gets lost in thought. That's because it's unfamiliar territory.
  • My Boss said to me " What you see as a glass ceiling, I see as a protective barrier.
  • My Boss needs a surge protector. That way his mouth would be buffered from surprise spikes in his brain.
  • I thought my Boss was an idiot, and quit, to work for myself. My new Boss is an idiot, too ... but at least I respect him.
  • Quote from the Boss after overriding the decision of a task force he created to find a solution: " I'm sorry if I ever gave you the impression your input would have any effect on my decision for the outcome of this project!"
  • HR Manager to job candidate "I see you've had no sales or computer training. Although that qualifies you for our upper management, it means you're under-qualified for our entry level positions."

You can read the past issues at: http://www.topica.com/lists/motiv8/read

Marketing Definitions:

People have asked for me an explanation of Marketing. Perhaps the following analogies will help clear it up: 

  • You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and say, "I'm fantastic in bed." 
    -- That's Direct Marketing.
  • You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a handsome guy. One of your friends goes up to him and pointing at you says, "She's fantastic in bed." --That's Advertising.
  • You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and get his telephone number. The next day you call and say,"Hi, I'm fantastic in bed." -- That's Telemarketing.
  • You're at a party and see a handsome guy. You get up and straighten your dress. You walk up to him and pour him a drink. You say, "May I?" and reach up to straighten his tie brushing your breast lightly against his arm, and then say, "By the way, I'm fantastic in bed." --That's Public Relations
  • You're at a party and see a handsome guy. He walks up to you and says, "I hear you're fantastic in bed." -- That's Brand Recognition.
  • You're at a party and see a handsome guy. You talk him into going home with your friend. -- That's a Sales Rep
  • Your friend can't satisfy him so he calls you. -- That's Technical Support.
  • You're on your way to a party when you realize that there could be handsome men in all these houses you're passing. So you climb onto the roof of one situated toward the center and shout at the top of your lungs, "I'm fantastic in bed!" -- That's Spam
   
  Serious Jokes: 
  Think about this:
Some employers complain : "We train our people and they leave us!"
I ask them "What if you don't train them and they don't  resign?!!"
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"Relationships are hard. It's like a full time job, and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks' notice. There should be  severance pay, and before they leave you, they should have to find  you a temp." 
 

   
 
 

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